Why No Man Should DATE a Single Mother
by Ebrahim Aseem ~Author of the book, “Why Men Cheat on Loyal Women”
Single Mothers don’t have poor taste in men. It’s not her fault she chose a “baby daddy”. She just confided in a boy she thought was a man.
It’s hard to judge a book by its contents, when the cover tells a lying story. Lame males will front & play the role of a MAN when they first meet a woman, then once she gives him her heart & her loyalty before requiring his faithful commitment, he switches up & reveals himself for the mentally immature little boy he is.
I don’t hold a woman’s past choices against her. Single mothers DESERVE a Man who can LEAD himself & his children. She shouldn’t have to lead herself AND her child by herself, AND make every financial decision in her life, AND deal with stress, AND pay all the bills, AND pray all by her self.
She deserves a strong man who can shoulder that burden with her. Lead her child & be her rock. Teach her child how a loving, healthy relationship looks by how he treats her with respect. Melt away her insecurities. Destroy her trust issues. Break down her wall & show her what reciprocal love is.
I had to watch my moms do all that alone growing up, as she chose to leave my pops, rather than be subjected to catering to a man not on her level. I made a decision as a young boy that I will never sit & watch the mother of my children struggle to play the role that I as a MAN was put on this earth to play. I’m going to get the wife & children I deserve, even if I have to wife a single mother, because at least I know she knows how to cater to a man, because she’s raising one. I’ve always felt this way, well before I ever took a single mother out on a date. Now, after being out on at least a dozen first dates with single mothers, I can confidently say:
This is why no man should date a single mother. Ever. Sorry not sorry.
I met the sweetest woman at Forever 21 while shopping for my niece. Career woman, second year master’s student. Tall. Gorgeous. Fashionable. Curly haired killa. I’m talking the kind of fine where you gotta squint your eyes when you look at her fine ass. Her eyes a beautiful hazel. Her lips full & luscious, with a smile that could get her anything she wanted… except a man. She was a single mother.
Her son was her everything. Her little man was the man of the house. Her MCM every monday. No man could ever come before her son. At first glance, I knew none of this. So, when I saw her shopping, I had to approach.
“Good afternoon,” I greeted with a smile, “I pray your day goes as beautiful as your vibe is. You’re absolutely slaying your outfit. Could I ask your opinion on some clothes for my baby niece?”
“Of course,” she replied with a smile. “That’s cute you shop for your niece. Or is that just some pick up line you use to meet hot women?”
I laughed out loud.
“No line queen, I just love my family & being all about them,” I clapped back. “Now, I see your hair & nails are freshly done. So are you & your edges really in here shopping, or is this just some tactic you use to get approached by handsome men?”
She laughed loudly. She laughed so hard, she snorted. The giggle-snort is a woman’s boner. If you can stimulate both her mind & funny bone consistently, she’s yours. Also, never make a woman feel her smart mouth is a problem. Just respectfully clap back & let her sassy ass know you’re just as fluent in sarcasm as she is & you will arouse what most men rarely stimulate, her pulsating mind.
“Oh! You got jokes, I see you,” she replied, failing at fighting off a blush. “Well to answer your question, I don’t do this as a tactic to get approached, but I must say, you are a very handsome man.”
“Thank you beautiful young woman,” I responded, sticking out my hand for her to shake. “My name is Ebrahim. What is your name?”
“Damiyah,” she answered cheesing harder than an infant during a tickle session. “I have a little sister who adores me & acts just like me, so I buy her clothes that I’d like. She just loves it & I love doing it. I’m a fashion designer, what do you do?”
After exchanging fashion tips, we exchanged numbers. By the time the cashier bagged the clothes I bought, I had bagged Damiyah. I called her that night & we talked for hours. For eleven days, we talked every day for hours. On the twelfth day, I invited her on a date to the Brian McKnight concert that friday. She accepted. Yet, on the day of the concert, when I went to pick her up, she flaked. Ignored my calls, texts & honks. I even rung her doorbell four times. No response. I hoped back in my car & drove home. I was furious. I didn’t understand why a woman would flake, knowing you already bought tickets to something. In reality, she wasn’t flaking on me.
I found out later her son had a post pulmonary interstitial emphysema outbreak. That’s why she was not at home. She was in the hospital with her son. Her phone died.
Men have no idea how hard it can be for Single Mothers to deal with the baby, get ready for work, feed the baby, get dressed, clean up after the baby, rock the baby, because the precious bundle of joy is crying, then wipe her own damn tears, because
girls cry rivers having to deal with the baby all by her self. Meanwhile, the child’s sperm donor (aka father) plays Call of Duty, fingering enabling women, playing Madden, eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch out of a huge mixing bowl & buying weed & Jordans with money he could be providing for their child & investing in his role as a father.
Please, go spend time with your child. Not for 2 hours bro, no stop baby sitting your own child, while you play daddy for another woman’s child. Take your child for a weekend, shit a whole week. Give your children’s mother time for her SELF. You men will be salty as hell when your children don’t eff with you when they grow up. I know this, because my big sister went through all this.
We can’t always assume a woman is flaking on us, just because she’s not available to spend time with her. Understand her child is her priority over herself. Don’t complain. Support her. She does it all alone & is trying to hold it together. Reassure her that her motherhood is not a deal breaker & she will shower your with abundant affection.
Two days later, she texted me apology selfies of herself & those curls, then she called me & apologized for flaking, simply saying, she had a “family emergency.” I wanted to be upset, but she was too sweet & fine to stay mad at. She asked for a make up date & promised to make it up to me by inviting me to an Ethiopian restaurant for dinner & live jazz. I accepted. The date was amazing. Bomb food. Great music. We even danced together. Towards the end of the date, however, she dropped a bombshell.
“I have to be completely honest with you, because I really like you,” she confessed. “The reason I flaked on our first date, was because I was in the emergency room with my son. He had a lobectomy as a baby & was having trouble breathing that day. So, I took him to the hospital.”
“Wow, I’m sad to hear that,” I responded empathetically. “I pray he’s better now. I didn’t know you had a son.”
“I know,” she replied, “I planned to tell you the night of our first date, but then it happened, and I… I just feel like I should’ve already told you, but something this serious should be revealed face to face. Me and my son’s father are not together anymore, but me & my son are living with him right now. It’s a long story, but we got an apartment together before I got pregnant. Everything was great, until I told him I was with child. From then on he changed. He started cheating & yelling at me for everything. Once I had my son, it got worse. That’s when I broke up with him. I wanted to leave, but my name is still on the lease & I can’t afford to pay rent at two different places.
I moved out & got my own place, but after I lost my job, I got evicted & became homeless. There I was, me and my infant son living in my Prius. I just recently started living back with my child’s father, my son would not be cold at night. Look, I know this is a lot of drama & I never wanted to involve you. I hope you’re not mad at me. But, if you never want to see me again, I understand.”
“I’m not mad at you,” I assured her, “and I applaud all you do for your son. I want you to know, you are not a victim. You are a victor. There is victory in enduring pain, it makes you stronger. I’m happy you are telling me this now, before we started dating, and out of respect, I feel it is only fair to tell you that I don’t date single mothers.”
“Wow, you really just said that, huh,” she replied with a hint of attitude, “just flat-out, you don’t date single mothers.”
“No, I don’t,” I explained. “I don’t date single mothers, because it would be disrespectful to my daughter. I rarely speak about my daughter, but a couple of EXs ago, when I was with my first Caribbean girlfriend, I got her pregnant.
I told myself, I will buy a house and move her in with me, because I wanted my child to have what she herself never had, a father.
I had it all set up, I stayed with her during the pregnancy. Picked out a house and a two rings, wedding and engagement. See, in my Nubian Hebrew culture we have brotherhood. Dozens of fathers and husband elders who teach us boys from birth to be confident men of accountability, who has his own & makes a woman a wife before we make her a mother.
Well, four months into the pregnancy, she had a miscarriage. The doctors called it a ‘natural abortion’ because her body rejected the baby. I was devastated. Every night since that day, I have dreamt of my unborn baby girl. Some days, I cry about it & I’m not scared to openly admit that.
I want to be a father & help raise a child. I know in my heart that one day, when I meet the right woman, through her my unborn daughter will come back to me. I need her, because I have so much love to give, that has been stored up just for her. In the mean time, I’ve been blessed with 11 nieces and nephews who I can treat my like they are my own daughters and sons by taking them on uncle days to the park and ceramics & things like that.
Being an uncle is practice, so one day, when I earn the right for my daughter to come back to me and be born, I will be ready. But I refuse to bring her into a divided family.
This is why no man should date a single mother, MARRY that single mother, make your intentions with her known or don’t even waste her time.
If you’re not ready to faithfully commit to her, by all means, keep your substance-lacking side pieces & keep playing, but be honest with her. Don’t hold back her blessings, playing a role another man is meant to have in her life, by making her his wife.
Don’t you string a single mother along, planting feelings in her heart & empty promises in her mind, when you know damn well you don’t see her in your future. Don’t demand her loyalty without offering her commitment, because her loyalty is to her child. A woman and her child are a package deal. If you date a single mother & her child gets attached to you, then you leave, it will crush that child. It will give that child abandonment issues lasting a lifetime, effecting their future relationships.
I will not ask you to chill. I will take you out on a date, let you know exactly how I feel & my intentions with you. We’re too old for games & passiveness. If you have a child, we will not “talk” or date leading nowhere. I will court you. I will make my plans to marry you one day known. You deserve a help meet, not merely a date. A man “dating” her without commitment is how she became a single mother in the first place.
I’m tired of seeing sweet women with beautiful children & no father in sight. I promise not to make any woman a mother, until I make her a wife.
A woman all about her child makes a man of valor want to be all about her. I know you want a complete family. A husband to share a lifetime of affection with. Travel abroad with. Grow with. Laugh with. Be silly with. Raise your children to love themself with. I want you to know you are not broken. You are not damaged goods. You are not incomplete without a man. You are a masterpiece, sculpted by the most powerful artist in the universe, who has a plan & a help meet for you. So get ready. Self edify. Love your child, and your king will mentally ascend to his throne, make you the wife you were born to be and love you & your child as his own, with all his heart.
Single mother does not automatically mean deadbeat father. Some fathers are not allowed to establish a relationship with their child, because the mother is bitter he moved on. Some single mothers are widows who had amazing husbands.
There are men who see the joy in loving children. Just ask Riley Curry. Her father loves spoiling her & showing her off.
Having a child does not take away from all she has to offer. She was born to be a wife. Honor her. Reassure her having a child is not a deal breaker. It just proves she can nurture you with affection on a level you’ve never experienced. Don’t let fatherhood & marriage scare you bro. You are a king, regal minded, endowed by the greatest artist in the universe to be a leader & provider. Don’t shy from it. Embrace it.
I can imagine being married. Having children, spending time with them, Playing with them & making them laugh, teaching them about life, instilling confidence & self worth before giving them piggyback rides. Having a wife, spoiling her with love and attention, Being goofy with her, making her laugh & smile every second I spend with her. Providing for my family.
I honestly pray I have all this before my moms gets too old to enjoy a daughter-in-law & grandchildren. Everytime I see my moms, she talks about wanting grandchildren & saying she raised me to be a husband. Because I was raised by a queen, I now for sure, I am not looking for a girlfriend to date, I am looking for a wife to court, marry & raise children with.
By: Ebrahim Aseem Follow @fuel4thebody
Author of the book, “Why Men Cheat on Loyal Women”
Motivational #SpeakLife vidoes: Youtube.com/RealNewsmagazine
These poetic lyrics are from Ebrahim Aseem’s newest single “Shea Butter”. Click above to hear or download FREE.
I’m a chef, writer & singer. I’ve been a youth mentor for young men for 10 years, traching them how to uplift & respect women & be men of confidence & valor. I make songs uplifting women. I do motivational speaks at universities & private corporations worldwide. I am omw to do a motivational speak to a group of teen mother rape survivors at a wayward house.
For booking: AEAseem@gmail.com.
If you would like a free copy of my book, follow me on Facebook & request your free copy!