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LOOK AT ME NOW.

One of the biggest hip hop songs of the year also holds the title of my “End of the Year” blog. Although, it isn’t meant to point out the amount of “paper” I am making, it does give a clear reflection of where I have been and where I am at now.

I debated on whether or not I would share this journey with you, but I believe that it could very well be the necessary read to help someone else grow.

Not sure if any of you who are reading this has ever gone through depression but it’s a bitch! Even when I told myself a million times that I wasn’t claiming this illness, that it was all in my mind and I could easily snap out of it…it still managed to overcome me in the worst way.

But God.

This without a doubt this has been one of the roughest years I have ever experienced. 2010, I thought was tough, but 2011 was the year my eyes opened to everything going on in my life. Have you ever been to Vegas and been in the casino ALL NIGHT…when you finally walk outside and realize it is morning you are in total shock! The light hits your eyes and it blows your mind! You almost feel confused. “How did this happen?” Well, that is pretty much how 2011 started off.

Last year, my “Year End” blog was full of apologies. I had to hold myself accountable for my actions, poor decision making, etc.

This year…I give thanks.

Thank you GOD!!! I give all the glory to God. He removed the foolishness from my life and replaced it with goodness. He removed the anger and replaced it with happiness. He removed my pain and replaced it with joy. He removed the false sense of love and helped me to focus on the unconditional love that was sitting right in front of me (my friends and family). He blessed me abundantly this year.

Whew.

To my father: Thanks for being there for me. Thanks for checking on me every day. Thanks for taking the time to understand. Thanks for all of the encouraging words that helped me to change my way of thinking. And thanks for the jokes too.

To my brother and sister: Thanks for the loooooooong talks sis. Also, thanks for being my doctor (your certificate is still at kinkos!)

Thanks bro for being an example of how to take your life back and for making me feel confident in my decisions. More importantly, thanks for being a great example that good men do really exist.

To My Friends: TY, KW, JL, JH, CD, LS, KH, TH, SM, AH…(prepare for tear drops…lol) Thanks for the hugs, thanks for taking the 3AM phone calls, thanks for the unexpected visits and all of the prayers and fasting. Thanks for watching over my gift from God and caring for her as if she were your own. Thanks for not giving up on me AGAIN. Thanks for being strong for me when I couldn’t. Thanks for helping me to believe in myself again. You all are the bomb.com I wouldn’t give you all up for anything!

To My Former Co-Workers/My Brothers: (Government name initials…lol!): GR, KW, DW, HP, BE…thank you so much for being there for me. Thanks for my fruit snacks that brightened up my day. Thanks for keeping me focused. Thanks for listening. Thanks for being a good distraction. Thanks for reminding me that I deserve better in my life. I miss you all more than you know.

To TT: Thanks for being you. Thank you for listening. Your empathy and your strong desire to be there for me during this time helped me over the huge hurdle. Thanks for being a great person and bringing me to a place surrounded by great people. Thanks for “signing up” for this new challenge! :)

I suffered from depression this year. I became a person that I, nor my friends and family could even recognize. This year I have turned into a fighter. I now have set a standard for the people I want around me. I have to now create boundaries that I have never been able to do before. I now have a voice.

While this blog doesn’t give the day to day details just know I understand what it’s like to be in the darkest place ever. Know that it can and will get better. Know that HE will bring you through. Know that you’re not alone. Know that you deserve to laugh more than you cry. Know that you are fearful and wonderfully made. DON’T GIVE UP! This is the realest thing I can share with anyone. If I left the earth tomorrow, I only hope that someone was able to learn something from my testimony.

The road still has bumps and pot holes (tis life) but I am confident that with my friends, family and God’s unconditional love, I will get there. I have come a long way since January 1st, 2011.

Look at me now.

#HAPPYNEWYEAR

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