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Jmac's 1st Pitch

Source: Jokedasmoke / JokeDaSmoke

I’m so tired of gangsta rap. I mean anybody can be a gangsta rapper. It ain’t as easy strapping a fake gold chain on your neck and getting a Glock and sticking it the waistband of your pants, but sometimes it ain’t that far off. For too many of these so-called “gangsta’s” I see trying to represent their hood on the radio (but more likely at the free show at the park are on the block) – it’s nothing but a four-step process.

Step one: Watch Scarface, get a Scarface poster and put it out in your living room like it’s a Picasso. Keep telling everyone to say, “Hello, to your little friend.” And don’t expect them to laugh – especially the ladies – when you do it.

Step two: If you rich get some expensive clothes then make em look like crap, if you poor take the tags off expensive clothes and switch em with yours and say you balling. Top it off with a chain (the bigger the better), some bling for your hands and if you really wanna be drrty a grill.

Step three: Work on your flow. When you rhyme switch girl to ho, car to whip, brag about your prowess with a gun even if you never shot one and always throw out a shot out to the hood you represent. Be sure to mention you run it and if anybody come up in they might get capped.

Step four: Profit. Everybody likes a fool, and these misogynistic, unartistic, caricatures of men and women are modern, mobile minstrel shows for the most part – whether they be white, black, Asian or some other persuasion. They might be laughing their way to the bank, but when the money’s gone – which usually isn’t long – it is only then that they finally realize the joke wasn’t just on them, but was them the whole time.

RELATED: How To Be A Gangsta Rapper

Now just to clarify,  there are rappers who are really more gangsta than rappers. And there are those who come from the life and represent it but bring reality, ability and truth to their subject matter (NWA, Ice T, etc). I’m talking about the pretenders, wannabes and impostors who not only misrepresent themselves, but also bring down the whole game for lack of verbal ability.

Real gangsta is being yourself. You grew up in the burbs and can flow rhyme about it. You dodging bullets and doing dirt, while you try to provide for your family and can flow – bring the truth to the people. You got no skills on a mic and all you can point to is an image. Don’t waste our time. Besides, you might run into a real gangster one day looking to see just how hard you are. And they might diss you more than just your music.

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