A few days ago, on the Wendy Williams show, she said the following (paraphrased because I obviously did not sit in front of the television taking dictation):
“Today is such a great time to be a woman. In our mother’s generation, women got married in their twenties, and stayed at home ironing men’s shirts. But now women are graduating from college and graduate school at astronomical rates. I think women should spend their twenties having fun, kissing boys, doing your thing, and that the thirties are for marriage. You should never get married until you have stayed in your own apartment—no parents, no roommates, you can come home, sit in your bra and panties in front of the fan. You must go on a vacation by yourself before you get married. Have fun in your twenties! Get married in your thirties.”
A rumble of disagreement and discussion ripped through the audience. They were just as confused—and perhaps just as intrigued—as I was. And as I lay in my bed in my bra and panties, I wondered:
What if Wendy Williams is right about marriage?
Wendy’s philosophy about marriage flies in the face of my personal quest for Mr. Right, but I considered it for just a moment, and realized:
If I didn’t get married until 30, I could do whatever I want for the next four years. I could move to LA and spend my days on Venice Beach, reading self-help books on my Kindle, writing short stories, and taking calls from my coaching clients. I could move to a sunny cottage in Paris and write a Black tragic epic—The Color Purple for the new generation. I could move to China and learn Mandarin while teaching elementary school. I could move to Mumbai and see how many Bollywood films I could make it into in a year. I could do whatever I wanted.
Then, I said, “But, Kaneisha, if you want to have children, you better get started! And you know you want to have a few years just you and your husband before the kids come!”
And then I realized that all of those things can still happen—even if I don’t get married until I’m 30. Or 33. The baby may have to be conceived in someone else’s womb the later I wait, but I can have my baby if I want it.
Maybe there’s peace and happily ever after between getting married now and getting married never. Even letting myself consider the possibility that Wendy’s philosophy is right feels very freeing. Wendy, you’ve got me thinking.
What do you think?