A Drunk Raccoon Passes Out at the Liquor Store… Only in 2025!
So a liquor store in Ashland, Virginia opens up for a regular day — nothing wild, nothing unusual — and instead they walk in and find a whole raccoon laid out drunk in the bathroom. I’m talking paws up, body limp, had-one-shot-too-many type of situation. This little masked bandit broke into the store, helped himself to the bottles, and got so lit that he knocked out next to the toilet like he just left a Henny Happy Hour at Prospect Park!
Wildlife officials said the raccoon was “very intoxicated,” which means he wasn’t browsing — he was throwing them back. Workers said he must’ve been doing his own little tasting tour throughout the store before life hit him like, “Yeah, that last drink wasn’t your friend.” And the fact that he ended up in the bathroom? BABY. That’s universal blackout behavior. They had to scoop him up and take him to an animal shelter so he could sober up before letting him go. Imagine being that raccoon waking up like, “Now how did I get here?” Whew.
And look — I understand the holidays got everybody stressed, but even the wildlife shouldn’t be drinking like that. Somebody please get that little man a Pedialyte, a bag of chips, and a chance to reevaluate his life choices. Because if I walked into work and saw a raccoon passed out in the bathroom? I’m screaming first, recording second, and calling for help absolutely last. Be honest… what would YOU have done if you saw him?
