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It was a glorious two years. He was attentive, he listened to my thoughts, he gave great advice…all from bed. Yes, I’m talking about my former f*ck buddy and not a boyfriend.

We kind of slid into this. After getting caught up in the moment after one too many drinks, I woke up the next morning, and snuck out. I’d known him for three years prior to us ever sleeping together.

He called me later that afternoon.

“Last night was so good,” he crooned to me on the phone.

I agreed out loud and gave a whooping hell yes in my head. The sex was good. Like really good. Like top 3 good.

You're not going anywhere...!

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…but I know I didn’t want more. I wasn’t ready. I was getting myself together. My career together. And I knew that while we had sexual chemistry, I didn’t want to be with him romantically.

…but we could f*ck….

So we did, for two years.

Within a year, I wanted more. My life was a bit more settled, I was more settled. I wanted something that was real. I decided to keep my f*ck buddy until I found it.

Why thirst for sex?

…because thirsting for sex, I believe, helps kick your body and brain into action to actually looking for a lifetime partner. At our very core, we’re animals. Our bodies operate on conscious and subconscious behaviors. So ladies, if you are constantly sleeping with a man (or men) that you have no serious desire to be in a relationship with, don’t you think your body or mind will get lazy in the look or quest?

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At the base of it, casual sex fills a major “need” that we seek in a relationship: physical contact, comfort, and consistency. Yes, emotional need is another thing, but remember the human ability to adapt. If the physical is being taken care of, in an age of social media, emotional needs can be taken care of in multiple ways and no longer from just one person.

I ended it with my sex buddy because I knew I wanted more. When I ended it, he offered me more, but I politely declined. It seems to always go that way, eh? With one person wanting more in the end.

Now I have more, a boyfriend. One that I invest in and not one that I just call when I need a fix. Who knows if I’ll marry him, but I do know that the intimacy of human investment is unlike any other roll in the sheets.

So ladies, if you’re looking for an entree, but still picking off the side dishes, stop. Focus. Find your entree and invest in that.

Don’t distract yourself into a life of loneliness, if you desire a life partner.


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Your F*ck Buddy Is Preventing You From Getting A Ring  was originally published on