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Dear Gay Best Friend,
Eight months ago I began dating the boy, because he is far from a man, that I absolutely loved in high school. His friends were my friends and they decided to hook us up. We never went on an official date, never had the honeymoon phase of the “relationship,” and I never understood that those were stages that most people had when beginning a relationship because I’d never had a “real” one without cheating.
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Time rolls by, he would call every Saturday, and I liked that. We both worked throughout the week, so I didn’t mind him not calling or text throughout. When we hit the “relationship” stage I had to ask if we were a couple. When Friday night came around I would have to ask did he want to do anything with me.
Now, let me describe him for you. He was thirty years old. He lived at home with his mama. I could understand that because I live at home too because of student loans. But, he lived at home because his ex put him out. I didn’t know the story at the time and continued to TRY to see the good in him when I found out.
He did not have a car!!! I thought it was because of his wreck he had, which turned out to be a DUI and he had a suspended license. I still stayed.
He was a horrible boyfriend! We never went out period, unless drinking was involved. I would text him, no reply. Then I would stop texting he would say, “What’s wrong with you, haven’t heard from you in a while.” I got to the point where I started cheating, I didn’t sleep with any of them, and doing things alone or with other people, then he would call and text a billion times “What you doing?” I would tell him the truth, because I would ask him first to do the things with me.
I stopped cheating on him and about the fourth month we began to have sex. Can you say, WTH!!!! I thought it was my fault that the sex was bad, but um…no! I still stayed because when we did see each other, (sometimes once a week even a month and we stayed five minutes away from each other) we would be great. He started off saying he loved me and I was a deer in head lights. I would say it back but not mean it in that type of way. My family was going through deaths and sickness, and you would think you could call and rely on your man. Child please!!!. He would be fishing and playing basketball with his friends.
To sum all this nonsense up: He was broke. Never spent time with me unless we were drinking, always with his friends, and when I say always I mean 6 days out the week, you knew it rained the seventh day because he would be at home. He drunk too much, lied about what days he worked and didn’t work.
I finally woke up the eighth month and give him a list of choices, and when I say list I mean typed and copied and handed it to him. Choice one: Break up. Choice two: Get serious about us. Choice three: Stay the way we are and I will cheat and you don’t get that privilege because you are happy being unhappy. He decided to stop speaking to me. Meaning he cussed and fussed to his friends and completely avoided me. My friend said I had the right to do it but I need to sit down and talk with him to see if we could work it out. I think she’s dumb because she’s taking care of a sorry nergo and always crying.
My question to you, am I wrong for caring about myself and giving him ultimatums or was I wrong and seemed selfish and not caring about the “relationship” and his nonexistent feelings. -
Ms. I Come First
Dear Ms. I Come First,
LMBAO! Girl, I give you props! Got damn! I love you and want to date you. LOL! But, what took you so long. Eight months, and you finally got around to giving him an ultimatum, even after knowing he was broke, had no car (due to a DUI), he lived at home because his ex put him out, he only texted you when you didn’t hit him up all the time, you only saw one another one day a week, and he spent more time with his friends than with you. Oh, and for pure measure, when you were going through things with your family he was unsupportive. Chile! After one month it would have been a wrap!
Honey, when you didn’t have an official date, and no official courting period that should have been a red flag. And, especially, him only calling on Saturdays to get together, let alone you had to ask him if he wanted to do something. Girl, any man that lazy in a relationship will only be lazy in bed, which you discovered later. LOL!
If only more women were like you, and put themselves first, and demanded more from their men, and refuse to put up with a bum ain’t –ish piece of a boyfriend just so they can say they have a man. Girl, it’s not worth it. There are too many men in the world, and he is not the end all and be all.
And, I’m glad you referred to him as a boy because that is just what he is, A BOY! He is 30-years old, and has no car, broke, and when his ex put him out he ran home to momma. And, now he is out playing with his boys. Hmmm, yup, sounds like a little ass boy to me. He hasn’t grown yet, and I’m pretty sure he is a momma’s boy, and any woman who comes into his life is going to have to nurture him, baby him, and coddle him. If you notice, you didn’t do any of that, therefore he wasn’t as interested in the relationship as you were. I mean it took until month four until you had sex. Then, it wasn’t even all that. Which means he is out for self, and once he got his, he wasn’t interested in you getting yours. Then when you were going through it with your family he was nowhere to be found because he doesn’t know how to be an emotional support system for someone else. He’s the one who feels he needs to be comforted, held, and coddled, as little kids need and feel.
So, therefore, you did the right thing. Don’t feel bad, or guilty for it. The only reason he got mad and fussed and cussed to his friends (notice he didn’t confront you) is that you called him out on his bull-ish. But, again, instead of coming to you he ran to his friends and complained, just as little kids do. When his ex put him out where, and whom, do you think he ran to? Now, another woman has called him out on his behavior, and dumped him and who and where do you think he ran to? Girl, move on and go out and celebrate your life and singlehood. As a matter of fact, go and book you a vacation trip to the islands, preferably Jamaica, the Bahamas, Puerto Rico, or the Dominican Republic. I’m sure you’ll find some man who will comfort you, and make you feel like a woman. GET YOUR LIFE! – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend
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