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HelloBeautiful’s Lifestyle Editor, Keyaira Kelly, sits down with men for boldly honest conversations for our site’s new column, Candid Conversation. The rules are simple: 1. Men answer questions with unrestrained candor without fear of judgement. 2.) generalizations are allowed. In this installment, Keyaira sits down with Chris*  a 29-year-old corporate professional about why he thinks many Black men date outside their race.

Keyaira: Do you think a majority of Black men who date outside their race just “fell in love.”

Ray: That’s a loaded statement, but yes. I think part of that is falling out of love with Black women.

Keyaira: Falling out of or never having loved?

Ray: Falling out.

Keyaira: Very interesting.

Ray: I think most Black men do love Black women. But it’s stressful. Speaking generally.

Keyaira: Why do you think it’s stressful?

Ray: I think the idea of Black women is sold as nurturing, loving and gentle growing up. But ya’ll are fighters by necessity. You have to be because you’re the most marginalized demographic in the world. Being a fighter is a good thing. But it’s hard to balance passion and peace. As a black man, I’m going to work draining my energy trying to get by in a world dominated by White men. Guarding my masculinity at every turn. When I come home I just want peace. It’s easier to be peaceful with people that have an easier life.

Keyaira: That’s understandable. Makes me think empathetically kinda for an artist like Donald Glover who may be willing to vouch for Blackness in career but can’t take that fight at home. Maybe sometimes people just want one part of their lie to be “easier.” I don’t know.

Ray: It takes a strong man to be with a strong woman. Not everybody wanna be strong.

Keyaira: Damn.

Ray: But you can’t say that these days.

Keyaira: That’s deep yo. But if it takes strength to be with a black woman, our sense of being unprotected than is true.

Ray: Yea. Also I do feel like a lot of Black men get tired of feeling like the bad guy. There’s a narrative of “black men don’t do this” “we always have to save Black men.” “Black men aren’t ever there for us when we need them. Which of course, isn’t meant to mean all Black men.

Keyaira: I know none of these mean all.

Ray: But when as a Black man that doesn’t do XYZ you constantly feel like it’s an attack. I’m constantly hearing “Black men don’t believe or protect Black women.” I’m sitting here like, I personally listen as much as I can and do everything in my power to empathize. But I am a Black man so despite that I’m lumped in with that group.

Keyaira: OH YES. Great great poignant example. Funny thing is, when I agree with that statement I’m weighing you and maybe one other Black man with the twenty I know who have done terrible things and continue to do terrible things to women.

Ray: Yes.

Keyaira: So it’s always weighing the 15% good against the 85% bad.


Editor’s note: Due to the sensitivity of the topic, names have been changed.


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Candid Conversation: Here’s What A Man Had To Say About Why Some Black Men Date Outside Their Race  was originally published on