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*Disclaimer*  The following is a very adult conversation about sex. If you are uncomfortable with the topic, click the little x on your browser right now.


All clear? Let’s go.

I make my living talking to women. Black women particularly. And in our colorful conversations filled with numerous topics ranging from eyebrows to periods to the latest Game of Thrones episode, we talk about sex. 

And no I’m not talking about “oh and then we made love on a bed of roses” romanticised lady-like sex. We talk about how you lifted it up and pounded it out and left me on a bed of my juices dead. 

Sorry, it’s the truth. 

And head is never something I’ve heard omitted from the sexual conversation.

I can’t ignore the history of Black women’s relationship with fellatio. Yes, a lot of us grew up in the church where anything sexual outside of marriage was considered sin. I admit, in middle school and up until college people would talk about it with a scrunched up “oooo that’s nasty” stank face. 

But then we grew up. 

Foreplay is an essential part of sex and any sexually active adult should know that by now. While I can’t deny that I’ve heard women talk about feeling insecure about their skills or maybe not feeling porn star Angel grapefruit  confident about it,  I haven’t heard a grown Black woman say “oh I would never do that.” The caveat to this would be, “I won’t do that outside of the context of a committed relationship,” but that still isn’t never. 

To put this in context, Sunday night’s episode of Insecure and its subsequent head discussion came off rather, immature. In the episode, our resident BFF Issa chats with her girlfriends about how head isn’t something she’s into.  They even tease their friend for being proud of her head game, dismissing her ambitious approach to going down on her man as ‘light skin.’

It reminds me of those 90 rap lyrics when men were really talking about going down on women like it was a thing for the simps and “nice guys”

But every grown ass man knows successfully going down on a woman is a grown ass man’s sport.

And I feel that the modern day Black woman takes the same pride in her head game.

Now, the final load shot in Issa’s eye could teeter the line of disrespect depending on who you ask. My camp, I say sex is messy and shit happens, and he gave her a warning. Other women could say “well that ain’t her man and he should’ve known better.” I can’t judge either perspective.

But I will say among my cohort of bad ass, brilliant, sexually liberated fine ass friends, head is not taboo. It is celebrated and when done well, a bragging right. 

The Insecure narrative around head was just a little too 1989 in my opinion. Head is not reserved for White girls and hoes and freaks and ‘get on your knees man pleasers.’

It’s an important part of sex.

Let’s grow up.

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Editors note (since y’all be trippin) my opinions are isolated to my experiences with the Black girl friends I’ve acquired from LA to NY. This is NOT ALL BLACK WOMEN. 


Why Black Men Can’t Forgive Issa But They Can Forgive Themselves For Cheating

Safe Sex: Issa Rae Promises To Show More Condoms On ‘Insecure’ Season 3

Why Every Woman Should Be Repurposing Her Nudes


Lots Of Black Women Enjoy Giving Head, Ya’ll  was originally published on