Today’s single moms have to deal with many issues…busier schedules, new technologies, and ever-changing day-to-day challenges are just a few of the things that we, as single moms, have to address. Fortunately, many of the issues we face can be made easier with open communication. By intentionally building good communication practices, we can ensure that our family remains strong, even when things get tough. Most of us are guilty of expressing “what is wrong” with our children. The goal of message is to discuss the importance of sharing “what is right” with our children and how to make single parenting easier.
I want to share a story with you. I will never forget the day my daughter’s 1st grade teacher broke the news that she was struggling in reading to the point of needing a private tutor. Keep in mind she is a very bright child. I immediately jumped on my soapbox and started to shake my finger and fuss at my “best girl” as I affectionately call her. It wasn’t until her teacher stopped me in my tracks and said, “Ms. Buck, your daughter is brilliant and I know you have a standard for her but we don’t want squash who she is becoming by communicating poorly”. I immediately began crying in remorse and feelings of self-guilt. What I didn’t know at the time was my daughter suffered with a rare vision impairment, strabismus and nerve thinning, which hindered her reading. While some would say, “Jotina you’re a teacher in elementary education. This should be easy”. Reality check…it was one of the hardest moments of my life. I literally had to re-build her self-esteem and confidence through affirmations. I encouraged her every effort. We spent long hours in reading tutorials and ocular therapy. I allowed her to write affirmations about herself and prayed strong prayers daily. At this point, I was determined to see the best in her and do whatever to ensure learning ensued. I am proud to say she passed her 3rd grade STAAR test with Advanced Commendation in Reading. I quickly learned, effective communication coupled with maximum efforts will always yield optimal results.
As single parents we must take time to cultivate effective communication because it can change the course of our children’s lives completely. Not only must we communicate effectively to our children, we must teach them to speak positive messages about themselves. As the author of Change Your Language, Change Your Life, I strive to emphasis the importance of positive communication and how it influences the life we live. It is all about perspective.
We are going to look at Positive Single Parenting, some possible barriers and how to overcome them. I will share small everyday steps to making our children’s futures successful.
What is positive parenting?
Believing children want to communicate with you, listening to your children, discussing what you want them to do, yielding nurture and support, being very clear about what you want them to do, setting clear limits and boundaries, being firm and consistent, giving the same message every time, viewing disagreements between parents and children as opportunities to develop problem-solving skills and modeling the expected behaviors.
Three Tips to Positive Parenting:
Communication
• Engage in conversation with your children at all times, not only when he or she is in trouble. Keep an open line of communication which builds trust, strengthens the relationship, and enhances social relationships and societal relevance.
• When we communicate effectively and listen to our children, we build caring relationships.
• Positive communication also aid in the developmental process (i.e. healthier relationships, more caring, and more responsible).
Compliments
• Much like adults, children love praise. By all means compliment your children whenever they do a good job, even with the smallest task.
• Compliments foster confidence.
Consequences
• Establish rules and boundaries ahead of time. This helps your child understand that they are not being treated unfairly or in an unjust manner.
• Established consequences teach responsibility.
These simple tips can change the course of your life and single parenting altogether. Gradually implement them day by day and watch life-change unfold. Language plays a significant role in influencing our life and the real spirit of who we are. Your words have power. Choose them wisely, especially when shaping the lives of your children. What words are you using to enhance your parent-child relationship?
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Jotina is no stranger to loss, failure, and hardship. Her story of losses and triumphs evokes change across the world. She is trained in mind mapping, positive psychology, visioning, and spiritual development. Her creative approaches to create change and produce sustainability are truly world class change agents. Check out http://www.jotinabuck.com for more details on her new book Change Your Language, Change Your Life: Discovering What You Can Say Differently Today to Change Your Tomorrow and for details on her Positive Parenting Workshops. For booking email info@jotinabuck.com. Be sure to follow on social media @jotinab.
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